I'm currently looking for work, so the photography thing hasn't been a big priority for the past few weeks. I haven't really felt motivated to write either, although sometimes I get the urge in the middle of the night, which I usually try to extinguish because my sleeping patterns are messed up enough as it is. Pay-what-you-can photo shoots are still on the table indefinitely, but it's definitely a side-gig for me at best; to be honest, even that doesn't seem like much of a priority compared to finding full-time employment. Maybe this is because everything is up in the air until I'm working again, but I think I've come to the realization that I would rather be working a stable, if boring, job with benefits than to try to eke together a living from my creative endeavors. I'm actually fine with this epiphany. I won't sell my camera or give up the blog, but the more I think about it, I don't see either playing a big part in my long-term goals except as ill-defined self-improvement.
With all this free time, you would think I would throw my effort into getting better at either as soon as I didn't have big chunks of my schedule earmarked for my day job, but that's not how it's playing out. When I take my computer out, it's usually to go to the Halifax Central Library to a) force myself to get showered, shaved, dressed and out of the house and b) apply for jobs without my cat protesting my lack of attention by walking across the keyboard. (Side note: technically, the Keshen Goodman library is closer to my neighborhood, but I like the excuse to go downtown). Job hunting is supposed to be a full-time job in itself, anyway, so if I don't feel like I put in enough applications for the day, writing something like this almost feels like slacking.
I don't mean to trivialize the work of anyone who makes their living in the arts; far from it. To be able to survive as a writer, photographer, actor, or musician requires a reserve of hustle, an openness to rejection, and a level of self-sacrifice in addition to the innate talent or skill that makes this pursuit possible in the first place. I just don't feel like this was the path I was meant to take.