In the wake of the Orlando shooting, I'm reminded just how thankful I am for the lifeline that is the Internet and social media; seeing my friends express their personal feelings over the matter rather than reverting to some ready-made impersonal #prayfororlando. I'm grateful for the rage of the activist communities fighting back against attempts to downplay the queer and racial identities of those slaughtered, and denouncing those that express false solidarity and cynically use the LGBT community as a cudgel against Muslims and immigrants.
I'm still processing this tragedy. I suspect I will be for a long time.
I took part in a moment of screaming at a vigil on Monday. It doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes I think I'm putting too much noise out there as it is, but my throat goes raw before it all comes out.
I've been reading social media seemingly non-stop all week, trying to leave comments instead of a passive like and share, trying to articulate what it is I feel, trying to maintain a sense of connection. I have feelings that I don't really want to put in a public space or feel comfortable sending in a private e-mail unless I have that absolute sense of connection I feel with only a handful.
I need a rest from the constant noise, though, especially with all the news of barely-concealed hatred that's already seeping out.
As much as I hate the job hunt, I hate the limbo of joblessness even more. My focus needs to be on that for a little while.