I wrote this about two years ago. Relationships were on my mind at the time as a few of my friends had gone through breakups the previous fall; as much as I was trying to keep things vague in the post, I was also trying to work through some of my own feelings by writing about them, still blindsided and conflicted over the automatic neurochemical reactions I kept experiencing with a specific person a while back (part of the equation: for the first time in at least 10 years, it was a woman). As far as I know, nothing was going to come of it, but I still try to keep the number of real-world interactions to a minimum because I don't want any involuntary emotions leaking out.
The friends that went through breakups that fall have since found new relationships. I'm rekindling a relationship with myself and recharging the batteries whenever I feel drained. Platonic love is underrated, anyway.
Some messy and real Valentine's Day cards I would like to see:
- Me: can't get strongly attracted to anyone without an emotional connection.
Also me: Doesn't want to risk the emotional connection by acting on the attraction.
- Unrequited feelings are the risk but requited feelings scare me even more.
- You can't guard your heart without it shattering from the pressure anyway.
- Let's skip the relationship and go straight to being amicable exes.
- You're an amazing person and I think the world of you, but seeing your face peels me open every time and I still can't get the skin back on.