It's only been a week and a half since my last post here but it feels like longer; as expected, I'm still adjusting to the new job. It's not so much the work itself as the small things: the disruption to my routine, learning policy and procedures, and getting used to new people. The last one is usually the most exhausting part.
I usually come home at about five but find myself taking a nap shortly afterward, which then pushes dinner later, and eats into the rest of my night. On a good night I normally fall asleep around midnight, but on nights where my brain is a little too active or I'm in that frustrating state where I'm trying to grasp at an idea that came to me so easily on my way to work in the morning, I'm lucky to fall asleep at 1. My alarm's set for 6 am, but the cat usually wants attention before. I have to make sure she doesn't start chewing on books (especially library books).
When I'm this exhausted, it's too easy to pull away from people. If I don't feel at my best, I tend to avoid social interaction, even if I still crave connection and engagement. It's hard enough for me to ask "want to hang out?" when I'm relaxed and rested. If my brain's in that hyperactive constantly chattering state, I feel like I'm using all my social energy on the imaginary conversations it cooks up.
It never really feels like I have enough hours in a day. I catch myself wasting too much time waiting for things to happen, waiting for a specific kind of interaction or notification to materialize, or for the right conversation starter that would unlock whatever valve in my mind is storing all the thoughts bouncing around it. I want to read, but by the time I get myself out of this state, it's time for bed.
I decided to implement a small change this week, though: no electronics after (roughly) 10 pm. For years I rarely went to bed without the phone in my hand, ready to scroll through my Instagram feed, check in with what my friends on Facebook were doing join in whatever Twitter conversation looked interesting. I'd try to get to sleep by midnight, but there would be the occasional late night conversation with an out of province friend, or the temptation to Google some arcane piece of information that crossed my mind would prove too great, and I would be keyed up too late at night.
I'm looking for other ways to feel less scattered and more in control of my life; I'm considering bullet journaling to see if that helps with productivity and organization during my free time, and help me sort out some long-term goals.