I didn't mention this in the last entry because I didn't think it really fit the whole topic, but I'm going to New York again at the end of June. It's another weekend trip for Pride with my sisters (just like the last time I went), but I'm going to try to squeeze a bit more exploring into the time I'm there. I wasn't even sure I was going to do it until I found out the timing of one of my scheduled days off landed on Pride weekend Friday, which I took as a sign to go.
I am a little concerned that I'm not as excited about this trip as I think I should be. Part of it is that buying airfare for this trip drained the coffers for this month fairly quickly, but I also haven't really felt up to being around people aside from work (which is going well, but I don't really talk too much about that here). I had originally accepted a request to be a photobooth photographer at a Zombie Prom this week, but by Monday I had a feeling I wasn't going to be up to it. I planned on going to Le French Fix on my day off to write, but ended tethered to my bed for much of the day, drifting in and out of sleep. I haven't even been to Charlie's since my birthday outing. Even things like errands come with questions like "will transit be a headache?", "how much money am I going to end up spending?", and "who do I risk running into?"
I wonder if my depression is coming back, or if my body's getting too used to the meds. It could also just be the relatively crappy weather we've had lately, and I haven't really taken as many lunchtime walks. It probably doesn't help that I tend to pull away from people when I'm feeling less than optimal. It's likely going to be a "wait and see" type of deal: maybe my excitement for the trip will come when I'm not feeling the effects of sinking so much money into one thing, or when it feels more real that I'm actually going somewhere.