Productivity and powerlessness

Productivity and powerlessness

I haven’t bothered writing since last Monday; it was a fairly hectic week at work, and I found myself falling asleep for hours as soon as I got home. Whenever I came to and tried to work on something, the cat would decide that she would lie down on my computer keyboard, and by the time she stopped playing that game with me, it would be time to go to bed anyway. Autumn’s adorable and I love her, but she really knows how to push my buttons. I guess that’s the thing about cats.

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Still under the weather

Still under the weather

I was exhausted pretty much all day yesterday, to the point where right after I got home, I slept for about three hours. Even after waking up to call my dad for his birthday and make dinner, I was still tired enough after midnight to pass out in my bed with all the lights in my apartment still on.

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Real talk

Real talk

My brain’s been feeling off again this week. I’m not sure if the trigger is external or internal, but some familiar feelings started to creep back in last night: one minute I’m eating stew I made in the slow cooker, the next I feel emotional heaviness I haven’t felt in a long time.

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Missed a few days (sorry)

Missed a few days (sorry)

I didn’t post anything the last few days because I felt under the weather for most of the weekend; nothing major, but I had a bad headache and didn’t have much energy. I was thinking of originally backdating posts to make it look like I was posting every day, but I decided against it.

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Let's see where this leads

Let's see where this leads

It’s an unusually quiet day today. To stop myself from nodding off while I wait for e-mails or phone calls, I decided I needed to open a new entry and type whatever comes into my head without overthinking everything as I usually do. Maybe this is the key toward expression, or maybe this is foolishness, but I’m going to ride it out and head wherever the muse takes me.

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I'm not used to this much stability

I'm not used to this much stability

This entry is a day late, unless you count that essay on the other blog, in which case, this entry is right on time, but almost late anyway. I’m pretty exhausted tonight; I would blame grocery shopping after work and lugging over ten bags up two flights of stairs, but I didn’t sleep well the night before either (and had some strange dreams). I have thoughts I wanted to post here tonight, but I’m too tired to dive into them right now.

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Darker days

Lately I’ve been less willing to be outside the apartment longer than absolutely necessary. A good part of it is a decreasing tolerance for the small but regular frustrations of bus travel in the city, but I wonder if the colder weather and darker days are getting to me. I wonder how much of it is my usual depression and how much of it is the general melancholy of the season.

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Two coffee day

Two coffee day

This week seemingly went by pretty fast, at least compared to last week, but I was pretty tired for most of the day (even after a second coffee); I went home immediately after work, and crashed for two hours after I got in the apartment. I know I don’t get enough sleep most nights, but this morning I had more trouble getting started than usual.

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I took a break from social media, and all I got was a backache

I took a break from social media, and all I got was a backache

My job gives me a day off every third Friday, and last week was my three-day weekend. I didn’t have any specific plans (I rarely do), but by the time I hit Thursday, I had no interest in doing anything besides staying in, locking down, cuddling my cat and watching TV.

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