31 in 31: Day 2

It's grey and rainy here in Halifax. Not really the kind of weather that has me wanting to go out with the camera or do much of anything. I also have to do laundry tonight, so in all likelihood today's going to be spent here in the apartment. 

There's nothing wrong with a day in by yourself. I seem to need this more often than others. My main problem is that social media tends to accentuate the whole "fear of missing out" thing, so lately I've been taking breaks from logging in, even going so far as to delete the apps from my phone. These periods don't last long, though. It just feels like I have very little to add to the conversation, and most of my posts seem to be YouTube links to songs I like, or things posted for attention and validation.

Today is my fourth anniversary of moving to Halifax. I'm not going out or having people here to celebrate the occasion this year. I'm grateful for the friends I've made here and would rather be here than in New Brunswick, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to get out of this precarious work "real life on hold" zone I've been in pretty much since I came here. I see all these pictures and posts from friends who packed up their lives and started afresh and wonder if I should I follow their lead, or if this is the highest level I'd be able to get to no matter where I live. I'd like to be able to experience this city from a place of stability before giving up on it.

I miss the version of myself that I was when I first moved here: a little less apprehensive, a little more open to experiences and exploration. I wonder how I can get back to that place again.

30 in 30: Day 4

I probably should be getting better sleep than I do. When a friend told me that she's usually asleep by 10pm, I thought to myself "God, that's early". I joke that I still haven't adjusted to Atlantic time, but I don't think that excuse works over 15 years after you move east from the prairies. Maybe it's because I don't think I've gotten enough done in the time after I get home from work, or maybe it's the classic "fear of missing out", but it's normal for me to stay in the living room "working" until midnight, and then spending the next hour trying to unwind.

Unfortunately, I have to wake up at about 6:30 to get ready for work the next day. Due to the nature of my day job I can get by with a daily cup of coffee, but on days when I feel especially out of it, interacting with other people is something I try to avoid unless absolutely necessary or feel enough at ease with them. I wonder how much social I would be if I went to bed at a decent hour.

I've been thinking about a conceptual photography project. I'm fascinated by images that mark the passage of time, especially changes (both gradual and sudden) to the appearance of either a person or a landscape. A drastic haircut, a new sign, the processes of aging, rebuilding, and renewal. I wonder how I could execute this.